this looks so good!
— John Cage
I haven’t been on here in quite a while, and I wanted to write an update that I’m hoping to be my starting line of sorts for the summer.
I’ve been really struggling to even make it through the school year because of my Seasonal Affective Disorder, but FINALLY we’ve got sunshine here! I cannot describe to you how I felt the first day I was out in the hot sun after a far-too-long fucking winter. The first real summer-y day we had I was completely overwhelmed with happiness!
My slackline came in the mail on wednesday and I was outside for an hour with it! It was really difficult but so much fun! I had it anchored between two trees about 10ft apart, and I was able to make across it one time (ungracefully) without falling.
Thursday I went for a 25minute jog. Considering I haven’t been consistently working our for months…I was pretty proud of myself. I do walk around campus and ride my bike every day, but it’s still not nearly enough for what my body needs.
My biggest struggle will be not binging. I’m at least glad I’m not falling into some of the patterns I did 2 years ago, but still, it’s not good. I’ve gained 20lbs since I’ve come to college and I really want to lose weight. It’s not healthy and I’m not happy. I’m hoping to do some strength training too.
I don’t know, I think it will be good. Once school is done at least.
Tomorrow my classes start up again, and I am not exactly looking forward to it. All I can think about is how much stress if going to crash back down into my life. My19 hrs of senior level coursework, preparing for my recital, applying for student teaching, and working part time; it’s been too much for me to handle this semester, but I have no choice but to buckle down and do it.
So my question is, what is it going to take to not just survive this semester, but come out feeling successful about it? I figure the best option is to dive head-first to some big changes in my habits.
Here are the biggest things I’ve been thinking about this past week:
Get a proper amount of sleep. I need to be in bed no later than 11 every night. I want to wake up at 7 to practice every morning, or take that time to work out and stretch.
Eat well. I already have a pretty healthy diet, but I have room for improvement. Mostly in the realms of stress/emotional eating. I need to recognize for myself that I’ve come a long way with having healthy eating habits, but there is still road ahead of me.
Confident thinking. I need to stop beating myself up emotionally. I get enough criticism and negative energy from other people, why would I add to that? To start off, I plan to meditate a minimum of once a day to help keep my mind calm and organized and flush out the negativity that easily gets trapped in there.
other important shifts I want to take place are:
less leisure time on the computer and in front of the TV, less smoking MJ (sleep is more important than being able to smoke with school work for the night), stay on top of my assignments, keeping my room clean and organized (which includes getting rid of things. I save a lot for no reason.)
It’s a lot, but I know it’ll be good. I can’t feel much worse that I have the past 6 months, so the only way is up. I know I am capable of so much more than I am now.